


Open Book

by patchfire, raving_liberal



Series: AKA Jonah [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Babies, Bisexual Character, Canon Jewish Character, Family, Gen, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, THERE IS NO CHARACTER DEATH THAT WAS JUST A TAG GLITCH!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:34:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8054713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patchfire/pseuds/patchfire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/raving_liberal/pseuds/raving_liberal
Summary: Puck and Joel settle in at the Hummels’.





	Open Book

“Kurt?” Burt calls down the basement stairs. “Come up here a minute, would you?” 

Kurt sighs to himself, but he puts down his magazine and trots up the stairs. “Yes, Dad?”

“We need to talk about something,” Burt says. “We’ve got some work to do tomorrow morning. Now, I didn’t do this lightly, but I told Noah Puckerman he could move in.” 

“Move in where?” Kurt asks. “ _Here_?”

“I thought I’d move into the smaller bedroom, let him and that baby take the bigger bedroom,” Burt says. “We should have cleaned it out and moved stuff to the shed years ago. He can’t stay at home, Kurt. His mother’s interfering with the baby and threatening legal action.” 

“Oh. Well, of course he can’t stay at home then.” Kurt sighs again, then makes a very noble decision. “Your bedroom isn’t very large for Puck and a baby to share. We should put them down in my room.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to listen to a baby at night,” Burt says, looking surprised.

“No, Dad. We should put them in the basement, and I’ll move upstairs to the smaller bedroom.”

“I can’t ask you to do that!” Burt says. 

“You’re not asking,” Kurt says. “I’m offering.” Selflessly, he doesn’t add out loud. “I’m not thrilled about it, but it makes more sense. We can’t let a baby be homeless, obviously, and I don’t think either of us really wants to be kept awake by crying.”

“Well. If you’re sure,” Burt says. “We’ll still have to move things out, but maybe I should have told him later than one.” 

“No, no, we can get it done before then. I’ll start moving my things up, if you want to start working on the spare room,” Kurt says. 

“Alright. Do you have his number? I wrote it down at the shop, but I left it there.” 

“I have numbers for everyone in glee club.”

“Good, that’s good. I’ll get it from you in a little while. Thanks, Kurt. I’m real proud of you,” Burt says. 

Kurt shrugs slowly, deciding it’s probably an appropriate time to drop the s-word. “There’s a baby involved, Dad. I can be _selfless_ for a baby.”

“I’m your dad, I still get to be proud of you,” Burt says as he stands. “Alright, let’s get to work.” 

After a few hours’ work, Burt has the small bedroom cleared and Kurt has transferred the majority of his belongings from the basement to the bedroom, minus his hanging chair, which won’t fit. The closet is a tight fit, but Kurt assumes Puck won’t really need the amount of closet space the basement room provides, so he can probably leave most of his sweaters and coats down there. 

“Think that’s him,” Burt calls. “After he gets unloaded, I’m going to head out to Ray’s, let him get settled with a little less scrutiny.” 

“We should find out if he has any food allergies,” Kurt says. 

“Carole didn’t mention anything, but I’ll ask,” Burt says, then goes to the front door to open it. Puck has the baby in one arm and a few bags over his other shoulder, plus a guitar case in the hand that’s not on the baby’s bottom. 

“Uh, hi,” Puck says. “There’s not too much else, I just need to know where to put this down.” 

“I’ll get the rest,” Burt says. “Kurt’ll give you the nickel tour.” 

“You and the baby will be down in the basement bedroom. It has its own bathroom,” Kurt says, gesturing for Puck to follow him. 

“Oh, okay,” Puck says, sounding confused. “His name’s Joel. Or Finn’s calling him Jonah.”

“Why is Finn calling him Jonah?”

“Well, at first, ‘cause he misheard ‘Joel Noah’ as Jonah, but now Rachel suggested Yonah as his Hebrew name, so Finn’s not exactly wrong,” Puck says.

“I didn’t realize he would even _have_ a Hebrew name!” Kurt says. “It didn’t really occur to me that you would be raising him Jewish.”

“Oh, yeah, they changed it to recognize patri—anyway, yeah,” Puck says. “I mean, I keep kosher and everything.” 

“You do?”

“Have you ever seen me eat a cheeseburger?”

“Not that I recall, but I don’t know that I could really remember any specific instances of anyone eating a cheeseburger,” Kurt says. “I should text my dad, though. He’s buying groceries.”

“So he’s gone?” Puck asks, setting the guitar and the bags down. 

“He thought you’d appreciate a little space to settle in.”

“Fair enough.” Puck sits down on the edge of the twin bed Kurt and Burt had moved downstairs from the smaller bedroom. “So I thought about this, and you should probably know from the outset that you’re not my type.” 

“Okay,” Kurt says slowly. “I’m aware that I’m a boy and boys aren’t your type.”

“No, that’s not it,” Puck says, waving his free hand. “Sorry,” he adds, looking down briefly at the baby. “If I’m going to be with a dude, he’s probably not gonna be into fashion and stuff.” 

Kurt blinks a few times. “But what about Quinn? And Santana?”

Puck makes a weird face, then shrugs. “Bisexuality is a thing.” 

“A… a _college_ thing, I thought!” Kurt says. 

“Huh? What’s that mean?” Puck says. “It’s in the acronym and all.” 

“College is when people experiment.”

“It’s not an experiment?” Puck frowns. “Not like I’ll go to college either.” 

“But I can’t even find one boy to date! How does someone find boys _and_ girls to date?” Kurt says. 

“Hey, I didn’t say I’d _found_ my type!” 

“So it’s just theoretical?” 

“And yours isn’t?” 

“I suppose you have a point,” Kurt concedes. 

“Anyway, I just thought if we were living in the same place, you should know,” Puck says with a little shrug. “Now I’m like an open book.” 

“I’ll try to be flattered that you’re being honest with me, instead of having my feelings hurt that I’m not your type,” Kurt says, giving Puck a smile he hopes clearly communicates his feelings aren’t actually hurt… much, anyway.

“Hey, we both know I’m not your type, either,” Puck says.

“It’s true that I haven’t ever pictured myself dating a single father,” Kurt says. “I’m not ruling it out for the future or anything.”

“That also makes me sound super-old like some kind of Ryerson creeper,” Puck points out. Joel starts to make some sort of noise, and Puck moves him more upright, putting his head on his shoulder.

“Oh, I don’t mean it in a bad way! It’s just all a lot _more_ than I’m looking for, I think,” Kurt says. 

Puck laughs. “I’m not offended. It just sounds like someone a good twenty or thirty years older than me, you know?” Joel makes another noise, and Puck pats his back. “Where’s the easiest plug to get to?” 

Kurt points to the wall. “There’s one there behind the side table.”

“Cool. Carole bought a bottle warmer, so I don’t have to use the stove every time,” Puck says, digging in one of his bags and pulling out what must be the bottle warmer before plugging it in and setting a bottle in it. “Mom had him on a schedule but I don’t really like hearing him cry.” 

“I wouldn’t enjoy that, either,” Kurt says. “She scheduled his crying?”

“Feeding,” Puck says, pulling out what looks like a very small blanket from the first bag. “But he’d cry every few hours ‘cause he was hungry before she thought he should eat.” 

Kurt looks at Joel, who seems perfectly happy, despite the brief wait for a bottle. “He seems very calm. The crying couldn’t be that bad, could it?”

Puck glances incredulously at Kurt, then grins hugely. “Oh, just wait. I try to keep it from happening, but like last night? He’d finished his bottle, had a clean diaper on, and I couldn’t figure out what was going on. You know what it ended up being?” Puck looks delighted, like he’s telling a very funny joke. 

“Gas?” Kurt guesses, since that’s something he’s heard happens to babies, though apparently sometimes it just makes them fake-smile. 

Puck nods slowly, still grinning. “Big ol’ burp.” 

“Oh!” Kurt feels his eyebrows rising. 

“It took me about ten minutes to figure that one out,” Puck says with a shrug. He picks up the bottle and shakes it, then shakes a few drops onto his wrist before he sits back down, offering Joel the bottle. “The good news is, diapers don’t have pins anymore, or at least that’s what Carole said.” 

“I didn’t realize they ever had pins,” Kurt admits. 

“I guess the kind you had to wash did.” Puck looks down at Joel as he continues talking. “I mean, I know the disposable ones cost money, but I’m glad I don’t have to do laundry just so he can take a dump.” 

“I can’t imagine what that would do to a washing machine,” Kurt says with a shudder. “He seems like a happy enough baby, though. Is it very hard, the parenting thing?”

“I don’t know yet,” Puck says. “I was pretty freaked out most of the week. It’s weird how I’d really thought of the baby as a girl named Beth. I still sort of think of it like he somehow got swapped with her, even though I know it was really him all along. Everyone says it’ll get harder, and I guess it probably will, but right now it really is bottles and diapers and burping and sleeping, and that’s it.” 

“What about school?”

“Yeah, I don’t know,” Puck admits. “My mom was watching him during the day last week. Maybe I’ll take him to class and act like I have permission.” 

“You don’t think that would be disruptive to class or Joel?” Kurt asks. 

“He’s used to hearing me talk, I think? I don’t really have any options without dropping out. He’s not old enough for daycares.” 

“I’m certain we could find an alternative to dropping out, if it came to it, but I suppose if it works, you may as well keep doing it,” Kurt says. 

“Kurt?” Burt calls.

“Guess your dad’s back,” Puck says. “He probably doesn’t need to know who I’m not dating.” 

“Would you feel better if I at least assured him that you aren’t interested in dating _me_?”

“He probably assumed that anyway. People do,” Puck says. “But sure, you can tell him that.” 

“Excellent! That’ll free us from Dad’s scrutiny if we ever decide we need to do midnight facials and talk about boys,” Kurt says, giving Puck a charming smile. 

Puck gives Kurt an odd look, then startles. “ _Oh_. Right, yeah. Okay.” He shakes his head a little like he’s trying to clear it. 

“We’re down here, Dad!” Kurt calls up to Burt. “Do you need help with the groceries?”

“A little bit,” Burt calls back. “Come on up here.” 

“Go on, you don’t want to see the diaper part anyway,” Puck says. 

“I’ll end up desensitized to it eventually though, I’m sure,” Kurt says, walking towards the steps. “Bring him up when you’re done, if you want.”

“Will do,” Puck says. 

Burt already has several bags in the kitchen, and he nods towards the door. “Few more left.” 

“I think Puck and Joel will adjust to being here pretty quickly,” Kurt says as he starts for the door. 

“Well, I hope so. I was little surprised at how little he brought with him, but Carole said she wasn’t,” Burt says, starting to unpack the bags that are already inside.

“Maybe I should take him shopping, so he can get whatever else he needs for himself and the baby,” Kurt says. He goes to Burt’s truck and scoops up the remaining few bags, carrying them back inside. 

“I think Carole was going to get some of the baby stuff,” Burt says. “Anyway, I picked up this for you.” He hands Kurt an envelope. “You and Mercedes can go see that _Evil_ musical in Columbus like you were talking about, this summer.” 

“ _Evil_ music―Dad, do you mean _Wicked_?”

“Oh, is that the name? The one you said was going to be in Columbus in July and August,” Burt says. 

“But you got tickets?” Kurt asks. 

“I figured you’d know best where you wanted to sit, but that should cover the tickets, a nice dinner beforehand, and you and Mercedes can get a hotel and do some shopping before you drive back, I guess,” Burt says. “I’m real proud of you, son.” 

“Thank you, Dad. It really wasn’t that big a deal, not with a baby involved,” Kurt says, though that doesn’t stop him from opening the envelope and looking at the stack of bills inside. 

“Still, that’s maturity,” Burt says. He shifts his hat on his head and looks towards the basement. “I don’t hear the baby, so I guess we might sleep through him waking up.” 

“All done!” Puck’s voice carries up the stairs before he and Joel appear. “Need me to grab anything?” 

“Dad?” Kurt asks. 

“There’s a case of formula in the back of the truck,” Burt says. “One of us can hold the little guy. Or, well, I shouldn’t volunteer Kurt without asking.” 

“I can handle an infant for the two minutes it will take for Puck to carry in a case of formula, Dad.”

Puck laughs as he somewhat gingerly hands Joel over. “No worries, he already burped. Just watch his head and his neck.” 

“We’ll be fine,” Kurt says, carefully taking the baby and putting him against his shoulder. “Oh. He’s so light.”

“Yeah, he was technically a little early, I guess,” Puck says, then heads out to the truck. 

“Carole mentioned that,” Burt says with a small nod. “Makes sense, or I guess Quinn wouldn’t have gone to the competition.” 

“I haven’t seen Quinn yet,” Kurt says as he shifts Joel a little. “I feel bad about it, but I don’t know what to say, especially now.”

“She’s probably still recovering, I’d guess,” Burt says. “Maybe she’d rather not talk about it.” 

“Still,” Kurt says, sighing quietly. He looks down at Joel, who seems perfectly content to rest his head against Kurt’s angora sweater, which suggests Joel is already well on his way to excellent taste. 

“You didn’t have to get this kind,” Puck says as he walks back in. “I’ve been using the powdered kind so far.” 

“Seemed to me like there’s no reason to make more work than you have to,” Burt counters. 

“Sounds reasonable to me,” Kurt says. “I’m sure Joel will appreciate it being ready faster, as well.”

Puck sets the formula down, giving both Kurt and Burt a strange look before he shakes his head. “Well, okay. Did you know you have a hidden talent?” he asks Kurt. 

“I have many hidden talents.”

“I bet you didn’t know about the power of sleep,” Puck says, nodding at Joel. 

“Is he asleep?” Kurt looks down at Joel, who does appear to be sleeping. “Goodness.”

“A full belly and a clean diaper make most babies happy,” Burt says. “I picked up that Pack ‘N Play, too, but Kurt, you’ll have to hold him until we can get it put together.” 

Puck looks startled. “I guess that would make sense,” he says. 

“What would?” Kurt asks. 

“A Pack ‘N Play,” Puck says. “Chloe had one. They’re like… a changing table and a bassinet and everything.” 

“Oh. Like a playpen, but with a tray on it?” 

“Yeah, like that,” Puck says. “I called Chloe’s her _Star Trek_ bed.” 

Kurt laughs, which Joel expresses his displeasure with by squeaking and squirming in his sleep. “Oh dear. He doesn’t like my laugh.”

“He’s probably just not used to it,” Puck says, looking like he wants to say something else before glancing at Burt and closing his mouth. “I can work on the Pack ‘N Play now, though.” 

“I left the box in the living room,” Burt says. “Feel free to put it together up here or downstairs, whichever you’d rather.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Puck says. 

“Downstairs probably makes more sense,” Kurt suggests. Puck nods and goes into the living room, picking up the box and carrying it down the stairs slowly. After a quick jerk of his head in Puck’s direction for Burt’s benefit, Kurt follows Puck down the stairs with Joel, taking extra care with his balance. 

Puck pulls everything out of the box and glances at the instructions briefly before looking over at Kurt. “Don’t tell anyone, but I actually use the instruction booklets.” 

“Your masculinity will remain unmarred, I swear,” Kurt says, holding back a smile. 

“It’s faster,” Puck says. “This shouldn’t be too bad, though. I put Chloe’s together myself, and that was years ago now.” 

“How old is she now?”

“Six and a half. The half’s important,” Puck says wryly. 

“Naturally,” Kurt says. “How does she feel about being an aunt?”

“The thing about my mom,” Puck says carefully, “is you only disagree with her once, especially if you’re six and a half.” 

“What happens if you disagree a second time?” Kurt asks, frowning. 

“First, you have privileges taken away, and usually that’s enough for Chloe,” Puck says. “She’s not, you know, abusive or anything. Mom likes everything very disciplined, I guess. She missed her calling by not going into the military.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Kurt says softly. “I’m doubly glad you and Joel are here, then. My dad can be a little old-fashioned, but he’s fair and he has a good heart.”

“We all knew that after the football game,” Puck says with a laugh. 

“I’m sure we’ll have an adjustment period, but I think this could be a good arrangement for all of us. It’ll be nice to have someone my age around to talk to.”

“Yeah, no siblings even,” Puck says with a nod. “What’re the neighbors like?” 

“Quiet. The Simmons on the left are elderly, and Mr. Powell on the right travels for work. Sometimes we feed his cat while he’s gone,” Kurt says. 

Puck nods again. “So I could mow their lawns since my truck’s an eyesore.” 

“Ooh, that’s a good idea!” Kurt says. Joel stirs again, and Kurt lowers his voice. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, I think I know why he startles,” Puck says, glancing towards the stairs looking almost guilty. “Your, uh, your voice is higher than he’s been around.” 

“I’ll try to lower it a little, if I can remember,” Kurt says, feeling his flush. 

Puck shrugs. “He’s nine days old, he’ll get used to it. You don’t have to.” 

“I don’t want to wake him. I’ve heard you should never wake a sleeping baby!”

“I think that’s not true, though, ‘cause the hospital papers talked about not letting them sleep through too many feedings,” Puck says. 

“Do you happen to have those papers with you?” Kurt asks. “I could probably stand to read through them, since we have a baby in the family now.”

“They’re in the backpack over there,” Puck says. “I’ll get ‘em in a minute. There’s an entire flier just about the belly button. Who knew?” 

“Is something wrong with his belly button?” Kurt asks, looking down at Joel with alarm.

“Nah, the rest of the cord fell off yesterday. I kept it, ‘cause it’s cool-looking,” Puck says. 

“Something fell _off_?” Kurt asks. 

“Yeah, the… okay, back up,” Puck says, looking pleased. “You know about the umbilical cord at least, right?” 

“Right.”

“Okay, so after they cut it, there’s still some attached. That part has to dry up and fall off on its own while the belly button heals,” Puck says. 

“I thought they cut it right at the belly,” Kurt admits. 

“Nah, it’s pretty close, but not right there. They have to have room for the big metal clamps and everything,” Puck says. 

Kurt knows the look on his face must be one of horror. “The clamps don’t hurt, do they?”

“No. They’re like… so no more blood comes out, I guess,” Puck says. “I wasn’t paying a lot of attention right then, ‘cause the thing is, birth’s kind of gross.” 

“I can only imagine. No, I don’t _want_ to imagine, even.”

“I thought his cord was split or something at first. ‘Cause he was supposed to be a girl and all,” Puck says. “It was pretty chaotic in there for a bit.” 

“How did they miss that?” Kurt asks. “Don’t they check that on the ultrasound?”

“Yeah, they kept saying ‘mistakes happen’ and ‘nothing’s guaranteed’ but I don’t know how they managed to not see he was a boy.” Puck shrugs. “It… Quinn swears up and down she wasn’t crying, but she did, and Rachel’s bio-mom was hanging around, wanting to adopt him if he’d been a girl, and I probably wasn’t much better.” 

“That must have been so hard on all of you,” Kurt says. 

“Carole said at dinner last night that she thought it was better Rachel’s bio-mom hadn’t adopted him, since if she only wanted a girl, she might not have been the best choice. I think that’s what she said. I think she meant that she wanted a new baby like Rachel,” Puck says, shrugging as he works on the Pack ‘N Play. “Carole’s not always right, but I think she might be this time.” 

Kurt nods. “I think she might be,” he agrees. “I’m sorry, though. I wish things could have been less complicated. I’m glad you have Joel, despite it all.”

“He looks like me. It’s weird. I didn’t think about that part of it before.” Puck laughs a little. “Because it _was_ complicated.” 

“But here he is,” Kurt says.

“Yeah, so far so good, I guess,” Puck says. He stands up and clicks something else into place. “It really is cool of you and your dad to let us move in here. I mean, technically my mom didn’t kick us out, but it would have gotten awkward really fast.” 

“Like I said, my dad has a good heart.”

Puck smirks and clears his throat. “You gonna do ‘That’s my dad!’?” 

Kurt laughs a bit too loudly, startling Joel awake. “Oh, I’m sorry, Joel!”

“It’s okay, he doesn’t sleep that long at a stretch,” Puck says. “And this is almost done, so it’s probably been awhile.” 

“Does he need a bottle or a diaper?”

“Diaper in a few minutes, then he can look around for a little while. I’ve been holding him as much as I can, since Mom said not to hold him unless I had to.” 

“Holding him is nice,” Kurt says. 

“Yeah, and he likes it a lot more. Plus she had him the car seat a lot, and his head slumped over.” Puck demonstrates briefly. “I bought some strap pads for that, so I’ll have to go pick them up after school tomorrow.” 

“I could do it,” Kurt offers. “You’re going to the tire shop, right? I can pick up the strap pads.”

“Yeah. Okay, cool,” Puck says. “Oh, yeah, I gotta text Finn I guess, make sure he can watch him.” 

“Finn’s babysitting?” Kurt asks, supressing a smile. 

“He did yesterday.” Puck laughs. “Carole didn’t know about it ahead of time.” 

“How’d that go?”

“Neither of them seemed the worse for the wear. Rachel didn’t want to learn how to change a diaper, so Finn knows more about something than her.” 

“That must sting a bit. Rachel doesn’t like people knowing more about something than her,” Kurt says. 

“That’s what I figure, too.” Puck clicks a few more things into place, then unfolds what looks like a mat. “Here, put him down so we can see what he thinks.” 

“Okay.” Kurt lays Joel down on the mat. Joel looks the same for the first ten seconds or so, then he looks confused as his arms and legs flail a little. Puck squats down, looking at him. 

“Whatcha think?” Puck says to him, then laughs. “You think it’s a good place to poop, huh?” 

“Is the mat for pooping?” Kurt asks. 

“Baby secret,” Puck says in an exaggerated whisper. “Everywhere is for pooping.” 

“Not my bed,” Kurt replies in the same whisper. “No pooping on my bed, Joel.”

“Only poop on Kurt’s homework,” Puck says.

“Or your daddy’s,” Kurt says. 

“That’d be pretty hard to do.” 

“Oh?”

“I don’t do homework,” Puck explains. 

“Puck!” Kurt says. “You have to do your homework! You’re a father now, so you have to set a good example!”

“I pass my classes! I even had a few Bs on the last report card.” 

“We’ll need to work on that, I suppose. We can shoot for As for the next one.”

“B is above average. It says so on the report card,” Puck argues. 

“I think you could do better,” Kurt counters. 

Puck looks at Kurt skeptically. “Maybe I could have. _Maybe_. But you think I’m going to manage it _now_?” 

“Absolutely,” Kurt says. “You live with me now. That’s like having a free tutor at your disposal.”

“I don’t take French, though. And I was thinking more about time.” 

“We’ll figure it out.”

Puck hums and shrugs, then stands up and scoops Joel up as he starts fussing. “Well, at least Joel likes you.” 

“Of course he does,” Kurt says. “I’m very personable and my sweater is soft.”

“Expensive?” Puck asks, suddenly looking like he’s up to something. 

“Oh, definitely. Angora,” Kurt says. 

“Do they make baby clothes out of it?” 

“I’ve never been shopping for baby clothes, but I doubt it somehow,” Kurt says. “Why?”

“Oh, too bad.” Puck frowns. “I was thinking about if Mom really did take me to court, I could put Joel in it.” 

“Hmm. I have a sweater I’ve outgrown. I might be able to turn it into something, if court really becomes an issue,” Kurt says. 

“Or anything that would impress a judge and intimidate my mom, I guess,” Puck says. 

“We’ll come up with something,” Kurt says. “I’m handy with a sewing machine, you know.”

“Yeah, but Joel doesn’t yet. You can tell him all about it.” 

“Well then, Joel, you’re in for a treat.” Kurt sides down on the floor next to the mat and leans over to speak directly to Joel. “I’m going to tell you all about the importance of a serger for knit fabrics.”


End file.
